Me AGAinST mE
I will not forget the day when the
sides were chosen
Me against me against…me
Clothing so drenched with sweat
and the teeth they were clenched
Who can I trust when I…
Grabbed hold my enemy’s neck
and choked ’till he ceased
Blistered with disbelief I awake dead
And when I awoke I couldn’t believe it was me
All the time it was me
So many times we smile in pride
Putting such faith in what we’ve accomplished
But minutes ago we were (minutes ago we were)
Slitting our wrists, running for sympathy
(project 86)
Collections of the life and death constantly flood my mind, images and fears-will I kill, how can I be free from this strange emotion that rages within?
The constant strain aches but isn’t always alive and feverish, it dims and hides occasionally, the calm waves over me in rushes, can you be dead when you are living? Walking around in the open air while we lie 6 feet under. Zombies of another nature we seethe and writhe in the endless arrays of new designs, logos, images, technologies and styles, expecting to be taken and held we wander around with this infection flowing inside us.
My mind feels like a timebomb, i’ve held it back for so long (and am not about to let it go) but still there are times the urge just pushes and pushes-the dreams flow like molasses over the open scars in my head, its me against me in this open reality.
These lyrics hit the spot now, no reasoning just a feeling when I recollected them. the “voices” as people put them have faded alot than they used to be, the festering has died down to a trickle but it still lies there dormant, not such a voice as my mind showing me what could happen if this path was taken, pictures of the deceased over the streets, the plague that is us has ripped the life out of these people-did kill them or is this another dream in which I awake to the nightmare?
Something that happened a long time ago…
“I was walking around the house as usual being bored as a kid will be around that age (8-10), my mother was folding washing in the lounge and had the TV going and as I walked past the I looked in at the TV to see what was on and there was someone lying in a bed, the screen was a dull greenish colour like old fashion TV or cheap 50’s porn.
Anyway as I looked at the TV the figure turned in the bed and stared straight at me, I swear looking directly into my eyes. My fear took hold and I stood mesmerized as this young kid, looking quite evil with unblinking eyes stared at me through the TV, I took off to the bedroom but that affected me, blankets pulled up right up to my eyes, when I closed my eyes for a long time many times id see that boy-get the chills even when I talk about it.
I looked it up the next day but there was nothing on at that time that would have had that on it.
What caused it? my imagination? a thing manifesting itself through the TV? I have never seen it, and frankly don’t really want to either!”
Can we really fight what is inside us? Is it our acceptance of the flaws and pain that eats us our saving grace?
I look around at the people that pass me in the street, what do they think? Are they scared or just numb? The mind spirals to grasp that truth about the inner emotions, our fallen arches, the achilles tendon, the last attempt to grasp onto what is beneath our feet?
So the nightmares will go on, the glimpses of some other reality are an effort to achieve or maybe just mere rantings of my mind screaming to be let out….