Perceptions of Truth

It was a sunny day in Rotorua and to pass this time a friend and I decided it would be fun to wreak a sign with a rock that was dying anyway on a walkway around Sulphur Point, it started off fun but thats when we crossed over into…………THE TWILIGHT ZONE.

As we were enjoying the satisfaction of senseless destruction as a lot of teenagers do (at least we weren’t drunk or on some form or drug!)
I noticed that an old lady was standing there about 2 meters away from us, now neither of us heard her at all, and the path is quick noisy, having little stones all around so you can usually hear people walking towards you, she was just standing there at first looking at us when I grabbed my friends arm and pointed her out to him as he was holding the rock ready for another drop.
He quickly disposed of it in the bushes and we turned to her who then asked what we were doing, we both turned to each other and for some reason we started blabbering on about being council workers and having to remove this sign as it was old. (Why we thought of this
story i’ll never know)
As we stood ther both sides frozen to the ground I suddenly yelled run and started to dash down out of the clearing.
(now to give a tiny layout of the area as it was at that time i’ll attempt to describe it, as I have no photos of the place-there is the place we were at with the signpost now the only normal way out of there is via a path the old lady was standing on but there was a small clearing in the bush that led down a slight hill to a dried up stream then you were back on the path, there was a small hill beside the path that was quite rocky and past that was a small back road that had a sharp corner in it and on the other side was a large manmade hill of loose rubble and dirt. Ove that was the sports centre..)
back to the story, we ran down this little hill and lept over the dired up stream and as we ran I went up the hill to stay off the path thinking an old lady won’t get up there that fast (she had a cane with her).
As we ran up the hill my friend went for the long way and ran around the road I was about to stop and walk when we noticed the lady was climbing up the rock hill we just went over so being the idiot I am I went for option B and took off up the manmade hill, slipping a few times and not looking back but as I made it down the other side I meet up with the friend a few metres away asn he looked pretty white, turning around I could see the old lady standing at the top of that very hill I struggled getting up!
I think it was around now that I got hit with the scared emotion and we took of running and as we peeked around the edge of the sportsdrome (where we hid) the old lady had already made it to hte other side of it and was looking around).
Off we ran again thinking all the while where can we hide and being us we choose to dash into a old style phonebooth, the ones that are red and have those big windows on them….
We didnt see the old lady again after that but get chills every time I walk past that area….

Scream into the darkness, the knife cuts closer to the bone each time to cut, and what you hide from becomes what you love, understanding merged with confusion as we stare out towards the ocean that we cannot feel. The light burns our eyes, sears down on us, the noise fills the lungs and you can taste the guilt you have created. The feelings have spread and grown crushing what you once were. Love is the false word spread through the ages, invented, imaginary. Those breathe down on our lifeless bodies as we writhe in what we have created. This is a dead world from which we are born, to which we die, suffocate and smother what we believed in till you are free. Destruction of the senses and the truths. Then world is dead; our minds wander through the endless deserts expecting reward. Endless sins, soulless promises, we are riddled with this, riddles with the dark ages.
Yell into the light, kill the gods you have sought after, blood drips from all the open wounds, deep into the holes in the earth, open veins to see your saviour, will you grow for this? Saved and screwed, do you understand what we have become? Born into a world that is dead, aborted truths scream pro guilt, the victims scream for blood while the guilty take from the living. Yet the darkness eats away, enters and dilutes into the system we fear, becomes one with what you hate and what you love, stolen life-dead burial-shards of hate.

so little-so dead-so true to the pain that has torn apart the essence of every human on this world-corruption flows within the veins of the ones who control us-break out you cannot, escape is death, life fails within the minds now-succumb to the lifeless lives you have lead-let the drugs eat your brain and the corporations fill you with useless trash as we grovel for another little taste, fill our souls with the needs we hate and desire within the endless ties that direct us into the pits we have dug for ourselves. It’s the insidious manipulation of human desire for commercial purposes that fuels then, control erupts from the box that feeds us the images that taunt and tear at us-rape the minds of the innocent- manufacture the means to be the end of this world-determine the escape that rips at our hearts and peels the flesh from our beating hearts, torn apart by the empiric laws that bind you to the basements you encase yourself in. frayed skin flutters in the wind as we wander aimlessly down the streets, indulging in our futile excuse of life. Burnt and buried alive in the graves you made, climb to the sky to be crushed into the earth-senseless communications blare in the heads of us all as we try to contact the emotions we killed a long time ago. Swallowed in the dirt we breathe in the filth we produced, hollow world caves in around us, wishes torn from the psyche only to be stomped into the earth, the pills feed us the false worlds we crave-imaginary fantasies bleed out from the wounds that you cut from your own flesh, blood soaks into the sand we crouch upon, waves wash away the remains that we hide and the life we once wished for drowns with the trust that you placed in the future, the future you wish for that has died before it has come, crumpled love tied in knots around the necks of everyone, one last step to go……

The pain etched in stone, temptation bleeds into the wounds of the failed youths. This world is a big joke to us now, and everything is s fad to us now, the knife cuts smoothly to the bone, the hangman’s noose is their new necklace-the darkness follows us in the shadows-watching till it overcomes us-why does everything seem so perfect when everything is so rotten?

The knife is the new god and the gas the air they want to breathe, everything succumbing to the new fads. Revolving around what they think is bad, and what they think is false for they are the new sheep, the new wave.

Lifelines destroyed as they follow the next one. Broken veins pulse out at us, as we squint to see the sun, we burn but the feeling calms the faithless. Overdose is the diet of them now, the pills swallowed on quantity, taken to feed what they feel the need asks for next-as it begs for the things that we hate-the fad overcomes what was and used to be, it is the now.

Cannot underestimate the becoming of the end, life is just a statistic now, the life is taken, broken down to be apart of the list that overflows now, the new fad takes the hand of the grim reaper to feed the river Styx with the choked fashion stars. The outcast are taken, are not to be, they are the same, identical now-stolen identities form our world now, sheep of the same roam over and all fall for the new fad.

So the time has come to rejoice the final ending in the hellish time that was my last job, no more of the gossiping vultures who’s favorite pastime is hiding away in their little staffroom and mocking everyone else while thinking that they are some sort of higher powers I guess. But since one of them wore so much makeup you’d think a make-up truck just exploded outside. Why so much? the foundation that cakes onto the face only to hide all signs of real skin and leaving a color looking less like skin and more like a pair of worn beige pants!
The senior cook who can’t seem to accept anything but her own twisted ways and can only bitch to other people but cannot bring herself to actually confront me and just tell me if she wasn’t happy with anything. 
The penance of the time there will be greatly received in the next pay week but as far as the job goes I would have rather been trapped in some greek tragedy, these people were like harpies-driving you mad with the utter bullshit that flowed from their mouths.

An escape so sweet, so pure in its existence, some jobs are said to be hell with fluorescent lighting, mine was  bitter hell where the elderly came to die, a flickering faded dream turned to dust in the winds of bitterness.

Patience-A word we hear often but never seem to listen, please have patience, wait your turn, hold on, wait a tic, stay right there, don’t move…..more often than not we are confronted by these sayings, now are we meant to stay perfectly still? or stay in the general vicinity? Can I wave my arms or move my leg? I get cramps if I stay still to long anyway. Everything must wait, no time to be quick yet when we wait and stay as told we get told to move, faster, hurry, run, get on with it, speed up…. then the confusion sets in, I want it fast and good, speedy and well thought out…the mind baffles at constant contradictions of collateral thinking-be all that you can be but be the same as everyone else-individuality is admired as long as you fly in formation.

OBEY

“If it’s true that our species is alone in the universe, then i’d have to say that th universe aimed rather low and settled for very little.”    -George Carlin-

Exposure to the species is one of the worst forms of human destruction we can get attracted too. Our whole world revolves around a constant state of circling the drain we are so urgently trying to get out of, the TV shows us what we need to be, the magazines tells us how to dress, the computer tells us how to interact, “reality TV” shows us how the “real” people act, our minds are flooded with this commercial vomit every say from every angle.
Our fake vomit, roller shoes, iphones, processed cheese and interchangeable sex toys leads us into a reality where pure peace and happiness is a myth they print in cheap magazines to invoke some form of fear in us to strive for things to “improve” on what they say is wrong and to destroy the things that make us individuals.

Such as a David Lynch movie our life exists within a dream that we all have for some perfect life, something wonderful to strive for, to compete for, the strange and wonderful images that litter the world around us but only we can see, holding back from the life we see and the life we make up. 

A short message to the world beyond these walls, past the screens that shine the blue lights over our faces in the dark, what exists while we sit there staring, fading away into some world created by wires and electricity, controlled by rumors and porn, the signs fly around us turning the night sky into a blur and blinding us to what is happening outside.

The flickering light hypnotic in its essence,
Our world evolves to a state of primordial failure

We strive and crawl and desire

Vanish into thin air like the Cheshire Cat this escape into the dream world a conscience choice and the freedom we seek in a world we create….

                                    I will not forget the day when the 
                                    sides were chosen
                                    Me against me against…me
                                    Clothing so drenched with sweat
                                    and the teeth they were clenched
                                    Who can I trust when I…                                                  

                                    Grabbed hold my enemy’s neck
                                    and choked ’till he ceased
                                    Blistered with disbelief I awake dead
                                    And when I awoke I couldn’t believe it was me
                                    All the time it was me

                                    So many times we smile in pride
                                    Putting such faith in what we’ve accomplished
                                    But minutes ago we were (minutes ago we were)
                                    Slitting our wrists, running for sympathy

                                    (project 86)

Collections of the life and death constantly flood my mind, images and fears-will I kill, how can I be free from this strange emotion that rages within?
The constant strain aches but isn’t always alive and feverish, it dims and hides occasionally, the calm waves over me in rushes, can you be dead when you are living? Walking around in the open air while we lie 6 feet under. Zombies of another nature we seethe and writhe in the endless arrays of new designs, logos, images, technologies and styles, expecting to be taken and held we wander around with this infection flowing inside us.

My mind feels like a timebomb, i’ve held it back for so long (and am not about to let it go) but still there are times the urge just pushes and pushes-the dreams flow like molasses over the open scars in my head, its me against me in this open reality.
These lyrics hit the spot now, no reasoning just a feeling when I recollected them. the “voices” as people put them have faded alot than they used to be, the festering has died down to a trickle but it still lies there dormant, not such a voice as my mind showing me what could happen if this path was taken, pictures of the deceased over the streets, the plague that is us has ripped the life out of these people-did kill them or is this another dream in which I awake to the nightmare?

Something that happened a long time ago…

“I was walking around the house as usual being bored as a kid will be around that age (8-10), my mother was folding washing in the lounge and had the TV going and as I walked past the I looked in at the TV to see what was on and there was someone lying in a bed, the screen was a dull greenish colour like old fashion TV or cheap 50’s porn.
Anyway as I looked at the TV the figure turned in the bed and stared straight at me, I swear looking directly into my eyes. My fear took hold and I stood mesmerized as this young kid, looking quite evil with unblinking eyes stared at me through the TV, I took off to the bedroom but that affected me, blankets pulled up right up to my eyes, when I closed my eyes for a long time many times id see that boy-get the chills even when I talk about it.
I looked it up the next day but there was nothing on at that time that would have had that on it.
What caused it? my imagination? a thing manifesting itself through the TV? I have never seen it, and frankly don’t really want to either!”

Can we really fight what is inside us? Is it our acceptance of the flaws and pain that eats us our saving grace?
I look around at the people that pass me in the street, what do they think? Are they scared or just numb? The mind spirals to grasp that truth about the inner emotions, our fallen arches, the achilles tendon, the last attempt to grasp onto what is beneath our feet?

So the nightmares will go on, the glimpses of some other reality are an effort to achieve or maybe just mere rantings of my mind screaming to be let out….

Collections of memories, flooding senses of past events that have somehow triggered something or given some reason for you to hold onto these things.
A glimmer of hope, lost love, pain and agony, fear, dread, happiness…all these manifestations of emotions rush back by a thought, a moment of reckoning, as you pass a certain spot-the sound of a TV theme or a song…
the thought structure behind such emotions is weak to say the least, to have and hold onto or to recollect these images is a struggle for some.
The madness that lies in ones mind can be fearful or revealing, showing the inner workings of our own self mutilating, psychotic, free loving, emotionful ride that is life.
To grasp is simple to hold onto is a mission so I am going to try and go back and forward through thoughts and past tense to grasp things that I think or have been through.
The insane with the tasteless, boring with the hilarious,.
Our madness is living inside of us, our releases are different-are yours magical, insane, twisted or wonderful?
Our Pride and Greed have gotten us to a place where true emotions can be buried in miles of typed lettering and wires, traveling around the world to touch other people without some real connection, I know this is what I am doing-I see what is going on and am trying to reach out in more than one way.
Our efforts to connection more have driven us apart and we hide from each other and dilute our true feelings with lies and “reality” that is our electronic souls.
Buy, Sell, Own, F***, Eat…shallow is thy name

the life we hold is not our own anymore, my ride is different to yours but its one I have a good idea about, the world is dying the acceptance is yours to hold in whatever form you want…

Our Perception of Truth will unmask the life within!